Appearances are Everything

Calgary air sucks (and I'm lazy)

2005-12-05T13:47:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I suck and I'm irresponsible. I've been kind of busy with work lately, the government fell and there will be an election in January (and I'm not even sure if I'm registered to vote in my constituency and the government isn't being very helpful at telling me), and, well, I'm lazy. So very, very lazy.

But it's December, and Calgary has kicked out from a mild, crisp, beautiful fall into a hellish, driving snow, wasteland of cold. I went out this morning and the snow felt like I was being bombarded by thumbtacks. Dry snow hurts like a bitch.

But I had to go out, because now that I'm experiencing my first real prairie winter, I needed some George's Cream. It's this really heavy cream developed for people with problem skin who live in Calgary, and while I just started using it this morning (with gloves overtop because this stuff is the greasiest product I have ever put on my hands- and I've used Aquaphor) it's already made my hands look much better, especially the spaces between my fingers where my rings rub against the skin.

I used to use Aroma Crystal Therapy Gardener's Dream Cream but the scent was overwhelming, and it honestly isn't as good as this new stuff. But I suppose it would work if you don't live in a semi-desert.

However, it's still not as cold as Toronto because there is no great lake to get a breeze off of, so Calgary wins there.

In other moisterizing news, I am enamoured with Vaseline Renew and Protect lotion. It's like a less harsh AHA lotion and it even has a mild sunscreen in it (it's SPF 6 or something ridiculous like that, but it's better than nothing). I'm pretty religious about moisterizing, but my skin has never really felt this soft. After about five days, I could really tell it was working, and I'm really pleased with it. I don't mind splurging on face products, but I can't justify spending upwards of $60 on half a litre of body lotion, especially not the way I go through it.

As for the hair, I bought two of those huge bottles of Thermasilk at Costco the other day. I like the way it makes my hair feel as I blowdry, but am I the only person who gets a distinctive whiff of marijuana from the shampoo? The first time I used it, I thought it was just because I had been at a concert before using it, but I smell it every time now. It's not the strongest scent in the shampoo, and assuming that no one can smell it on my hair afterwards, I'm not going to complain, but it's still off-putting. The conditioner doesn't seem to have the same problem.

At least through this shampoo, I've discovered that my boyfriend really likes women who wear perfume in their hair rather than on their body. Who knew?

Lest we forget

2005-11-11T08:51:00.000-08:00

Take a moment today.

Laura Bush is scary

2005-11-09T21:03:00.000-08:00

I spent the evening watching an utterly bizarre dinner party on CPAC. I am the only woman in the world cursed with a man who would rather watch politicians purposely make asses of themselves rather than watch the hockey game. But... it was worth it, I guess. Who knew Stephen Harper could do such great impressions? I guess his complete lack of personality makes it easy for him to absorbs others' life forces.

The Press Gallery Dinner did, however, remind me about something I've been meaning to post about for the last few days. Laura Bush's crazy face. Seriously. When Prince Charles is the better looking one in the photo, it's a bad, bad thing. Camilla must feel like Catherine Zeta-Jones right now (as a side note: I think there's nothing wrong with Camilla. She's simply one of those people like Meryl Streep who looks better as she ages). I don't know what it is, and I don't want to cry face lift, but, seriously. She looks like she's going to crawl through my television screen and... do whatever it is that kid in The Ring did because I never saw that movie.

I want my mommy.

Stella McCartney

2005-10-30T11:48:00.000-08:00

So does anyone else hate H&M right now? This is the most infuriating and awful flash site I've come across in awhile. It's irritating me.

I'm not very taken by the collection either. It's very eighties, and reminds me of the pain and suffering that was elementary school. The skinny jeans would never be a friend of mine, and the zippered hems remind me of when my older brother got his first after school job selling crappy jeans at Thrifties. I have seen a terrifying satin onesie (also: no. Thre are two articles of clothing that are allowed to be one piece: dresses and swimsuits. Nothing else.), and an embroidered sweater that I'm pretty sure my great aunt Josie gave me when I was seven. Some of the coats and sweaters for this collection are kind of cute, but their cuteness is in the fact that they epitomize generica.

I've never been much of a Stella McCartney fan, and considering that I could get nicer clothes for a comparable price at Tristan I don't see the bother.

Also, there is one H&M in Canada. It's in Toronto. So, you know, effort and all.

Baby did a bad bad thing

2005-10-19T18:55:00.000-07:00

I, uh, I did some bad, bad things today. Or at least bad bad things when you consider that I am in no way the primary breadwinner of this household.

I guess it's a good thing I don't live alone. Because if given the choice between groceries and shoes and/or books, I would cheerfully subsist on ramen while admiring my feet/prose. It's just a tic.

Anyway. Today I took a trip to the utterly sublime Gravity Pope. I try not to go to Gravity Pope too often, because it is the siren song of shoe shops. Full of fun, funky, hard to find (in Canada, at least) shoes that are all exorbitantly priced for someone who still has student loan debts.

But I went. And I commited credit card sin. But, like most sin, it was so damn good.

Kowalski boots ($355 CND). They are... they are sublime. I have several skirts that will showcase them to their finest. I'm a little nervous about wearing them on ice, but I don't care too much. These are date boots, I will always have an arm to cling to.

Mosquito boots in lime ($355 CND). They are green! And they make me think of the Beatles! And they!!! Uh... I can't justify this. In any way at all. But I have at least two weeks until the credit card bill arrives. Then I will have to explain.

Camper "twin" ($167.99 sale price CND). They were on sale. And I've been eyeing them for quite awhile. They were actually the reason I ventured it. And escaped almost a month's worth of mortgage poorer.

But it's not like I spent both mortgage and condo fees. Right?

2005-10-06T09:01:00.000-07:00

The problem with working from home, living in a new city, and being too lazy to join any social groups (I think they need Brownies for adults. I never had problems making friends when I was a kid, but now the only time I ever come in contact with another adult female human being, we're usually both naked in the locker room of the YMCA. Awkward.) is that I have to rely on my boyfriend to make friends, and then introduce me to their mates. Most of the people I've met in the past few months have been perfectly nice, mostly engineers who just smile in a dazed sort of way when I explain my line of work, but they're nice.

Yesterday, my boyfriend brought home Thai food, one of the management people, and his girlfriend. The woman was probably my age (24) or a little younger, and we were standing in the kitchen trying to think of things we had in common (Canadian Idol and The O.C. Mock me if you must.). I was standing there with an aluminum carton of pad thai in my hand when she suddenly says "feel my breast."

"Pardon?"

"Feel my breast. It's not weird."

It was, but for some reason I still reached out and poked her rock hard breast.

"----- paid for it," she informed me. We stood there staring at each other for a few seconds, having lived in a somewhat crappy part of Toronto for so many years, I don't think I've even seen a breast implant in person before. "I'm also getting botox," she added manner-of-factly. "It's a preventative measure."

And then she went back to unpacking the food like nothing had happened.

I can't quite figure out what the point of that exchange was. Was she implying that my B-cups and moving face were somehow an atrocity? Or is it like when you spend far too much money on a handbag or pair of shoes that are so understated no one appreciates how expensive and understated they really are, and it starts to irritate you that no one gets how awe-inspiring your taste is.

It was weird.

Still here but living in the past

2005-10-01T14:16:00.000-07:00

So I'm not dead. Six (seven?) months after the move, I've finally finished the unpacking. It wasn't anything too major we had left, but we have a little storage cubicle in the basement, and we just shoved our boxes in there and forgot about them. Work has been a little slow lately, so I've been downstairs digging through the boxes and figuring out what to toss and to keep (I also found a box completely filled with booze, and both my boyfriend and I are kind of amazed at what lushes we must have looked like to the moving company). Midway through the clean up, I came across a few boxes of my old college possessions, which I hadn't unpacked from when I graduated from university and moved into my apartment in Toronto. So I've spent the last few weeks shifting through old clothes (mostly zip up cable knit cardigans and jeans, but I've found some old home made message T-shirts that I accused my mother of throwing out my senior spring break. Colour me embarrassed) posters from my dorm room (later crappy off-campus apartment with silverfish in the bathtub), thrift store/relative gifted cooking utensils, and- be still my heart- books. I've been reading books that I didn't even bother to read when, you know, my midterm grade rested solely on them. I never sold my books back because they paid a pittance for them, so even if I hated the class, I kept them out of spite.

This entry has nothing to do with fashion. So here's a link to Frilly Lizard. It's not nearly as exciting as the store is, but it'll do. And if you're ever in the Golden Horseshoe area, it's worth the drive.

I'm going to go read 'Oedipus Rex' now. For the first time.

Mystery Woman

2005-09-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

So I am now officially a stalker. Not in the registered-with-my-local-authorities sort of way, but in a way that I got my roll of film back today and realized that I had taken a photo of a woman a few weeks ago because I really liked her outfit.

I have no idea how to work the scanner (it's one of those scanner/fax/photocopier dealies and I figure it's best to just leave it alone lest it accidentally open a wormhole or something), so I ended up taking a photograph of this photograph (which is such meta theatre that I'm sure that Josh Schwartz is locked away in his office right now typing away "Seth takes a digital photograph of the photograph of Summer. The Arcade Fire plays in the background"). It's blurry, but that's fine, because for all I know this woman could be in the witness protection program.

It's a deceptively simple outfit, but I think I'm in love with that skirt (It also has Botticelli's Venus and a face detail that I think was by DaVinci but isn't the Mona Lisa). If not for the fact that the Prime Minister had started walking towards the cake (it was the Alberta Centennial celebration) and I was surrounded by a huge group of people I would have accosted her to find out where she got it. But she's working it, simply because the rest of the outfit is so simple. I like the cut of the black shirt, I think the ballet flats are cute, and you can't really see it too closely, but that's an awesome bag. The fabric is black and grey herringbone, the top of the fabric part is attached to two wooden strips, and then the handles are attached to the wood. I think I like it more than the skirt, simply because it looks so versatile. Really the only thing I take issue with in this is the slouching. If only because Quasimodo would not be able to wear this skirt nearly as well.

I feel kind of bad for posting her picture, but her identity's obscured, so I'm not completely guilty about it. Besides, I think she'd be flattered. After taking out the restraining order.

Slothville

2005-09-11T15:51:00.000-07:00

I was out late last night committing all sorts of acts of debauchery, and so today I've been lounging around the house feeling like a complete bum. My neighbour's girlfriend came over to beg some make up remover off me, and as she was leaving she looked me up and down (I'm wearing dark wash jeans, a red spaghetti-strap tank top, one of my boyfriend's shirts, a chunky beaded necklace, and some bracelets I bought for about $3 each in Chinatown. And the world's most garish socks) and said "you look really good today" before leaving.

The hell?

Usually when this woman sees me, I'm leaving to go somewhere where humans will see me, and so I'm dressed in a skirt or dress and heels and a blazer and all sorts of girly accroutrements. And the only time she has ever complimented my appearance is when I'm wearing men's clothing? I thought only men were supposed to be so clueless as to find the oversized shirt thing cute.

Of course, this is also a woman who thinks it's appropriate to knock on the door of a person who basically she just knows on a courtesy nod basis and ask for beauty products. Maybe she's just a freak. Because I would hate for something this low-effort to actually become my new standard. It's a low decline into slothville and sweatpants in public from there.

Avoidence therapy

2005-09-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

I think like most of us, I've been distracted by the effects of Hurricane Katrina for the last few days. I've been working with CNN on, and I realized last night that I've been watching about 16 hours of solid news a day for the last five days. It took some effort to just turn off the TV and sit there and actually think about what was going on.

Best Buy will match your donation, and they were one of the few companies I could find that would match any public donation and were available in Canada. My boyfriend works for EnCana, and they are also matching donations, so if you're an EnCana employee, this is also a good idea. I'd assume that most large corporations are doing this, but if you work for a smaller company or your company isn't matching donations, there should be a Best Buy near you.

At the same time, though, this is a fashion blog. It has no sponsorship, and I'm not computer savvy enough to know how to put donation buttons on here. But I also don't think that people particularly want every aspect of their lives to be overrun by Katrina. I had to turn off the TV because I realized that by that point it was all just washing over me, since I had been watching the same things in and out and everything had lost its realness. It was a very weird feeling.

But my reaction for that isn't for this blog. Point being, this blog was made for frivolity. It was made because I happen to appreciate skincare and fashion and beauty, and while those don't exist in a bubble outside of anything else, I should probably stick to what this was made for. That, and I'm a little sick of constantly talking about Katrina. I want to talk about something that doesn't make my stomach drop.

Regarding my earlier post, I tried the papaya scrub. It's pretty good. I like scrubs that are more... scrubby. I am the only person I know who actually really likes the St. Ives apricot scrub, simply because I appreciate all the beads in it. It actually feels like it's scrubbing (this is also why I don't like chemical exfoiliating peels, they don't feel like they're doing anything). The papaya scrub has a few beads in it, and some small chunks of pineapple. The scrub itself isn't anything to write home about. Basically I've decided to do it once or twice a week after my nightly shower. I leave my face damp, then rub a small amount of it over my face for one or two minutes. I then just leave the mix there for two minutes afterwards, and it kind of melts away the dead skin. I used it on Friday night after getting home from the bar (and I looked like a hot mess when I got home. It was pretty gross), and my skin looked much better after just one use.

I combined that with the Ultra Moisterizer SPF 15, which is now my dream product. I guess that part of my problem with my skin earlier was that the blue herbal was just too drying for me, and it was exacerbating my problems. My skin is lovely and soft and smooth and the dry areas around my nose and mouth are completely gone, and this is a miracle considering that my allergies are acting up and so I've spent the week blowing my nose every ten minutes. This stuff is great.

So now my skincare regime consists of:

Morning:
Kiehl's Blue Herbal Gel Cleanser
Kiehl's Whintening Toner (no link, oddly)
Kiehl's Ultra Facial Moisterizer SPF 15

Night:
Origins Never a Dull Moment cleanser
Kiehl's Whintening Toner
Kiehl's Ultra Facial Moisterizer SPF 15 (should I go back and get the Ultra Moisterizer without SPF? Or is SPF harmless to my skin?)

Weekly treatments:
Benefit Hi Neighbor! mask
Kiehl's Pineapple Papaya Facial Scrub

I just realized looking at this list that this is the most pared down my skincare regime has been since I was 14. No wonder my skin was going haywire.

Skin schizoid.

2005-08-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

And the saga of my skin continues.

I've always had oily skin. But since moving here, my skin has kind of dried out, and this last week it's gone completely nuts. I've broken out AND my skin has just dried out. I spent twenty minutes in front of the mirror today trying to deal with the fact that I had a pimple next to my mouth AND the skin around it was flaking off. I figured that now was not the time to be slathering on toners and my blue herbal moisterizer. So I ended up making a trip to the Kiehls counter. Yet again.

I discussed my problem with the girl behind the counter and she recommended the Ultra Facial Moisterizer SPF 15 which I think will be good for winter, since I'm sick of layer an SPF overtop of my original moisterizer. I had a supersample of the Ultra Facial Moisterizer without SPF awhile ago, and if I recall correctly, it was fairly nice. Not as matte as the Blue Herbal, but not terrible, either.

She also recommended the Pineapple Papaya Facial Scrub which I had been eyeing the last time I was there, but I was given a sample of their (godawful) Milk, Honey, and Almond Scrub. I wanted to use this right away, but I'm about to go out (thankfully to a bar with very dark lighting so I won't be fretting over my skin's schizophrenia) and I was worried about putting make up over top of freshly exfoiliated skin. I'll report back on this later.

I also finally used my Crabtree and Evelyn La Source Peel-Off Revitalising Mask and it was a piece of shit. Perhaps if I had someone else giving it to me, it would have been fine, but it was a disaster. You get a powder, which you then mix with water, and then you slather it onto your face to a recommended thickness of 1/4 of an inch. I don't know exactly who's face this was made for, but I am 5'10 with a massive head (really, it's huge. I have to buy men's hats) and I still had half the product left over by the time I finished.

You're then supposed to just "lie back (face up) and relax" (the face up part really irritated me. Exactly how stupid do the people at this company think we are?) for 15 minutes to let it dry. But I had to clean out the bowl I mixed this crap in first, so I was doing that, as this horrible stuff dribbled down my face, and I looked in the mirror before finally just giving up and lying down, and I looked like the Loch Ness monster. It would have been kind of comical if I wasn't just so stressed out and pissed off by this product.

Then when I was peeling it off, it didn't even have that familiar "peel" feeling that you should be getting from peel off products. It was more like peeling... rubber off my face. It didn't seem to actually be yanking anything out of my pores, and maybe I'm just weird, but if a peel-off facial doesn't hurt even the tiniest bit, I just don't feel like it's working. It didn't really leave any noticeable difference on my face, and it was hell trying to wash off the thin, dried bits around my eyes and hairline.

Overall, I give it a super huge thumbs down. It just wasn't worth the effort, and didn't even seem to DO anything. I was really disappointed, especially since I actually really like the La Source Deep Cleansing China Clay Mask.

Anyway, regarding the whole oily skin thing I mentioned above, the friend I'm going out with just arrived and listened to me air my grievances about this, and she suggested that my skin is starting to adapt to Calgary weather. Toronto is right on Lake Ontario, so it's humid all the time, whereas Calgary is in the sub-desert and is much windier than Toronto. So now I'm just completely confused as to what to do with my skin. Stop putting so much crap on it, I guess.

Top ten summer scents

2005-08-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

A sort of meme that I discovered from Lipstick is My Crack.

Top ten summer fragrances, in no real particular order:

Crabtree and Evelyn Rosewater Eau Fraiche
This is also a fragrance that I tend to put on in the winter when I'm dreaming of drinks in a garden and sitting out on the balconey watching a sunset. It's hard to find a rose scent that doesn't smell like Great Aunt Edna, so I'm really impressed with this one. I'm not always a fan of C&E, and I find that lately they've been doing a lot of weird things with the company policies (hand massages? Um... please don't touch me. I have nothing against you. Just don't touch me), but I'll risk it in order to get this stuff. It's gorgeous and delicate and ever so feminine.

L'Occitane Magnolia Eau de Val
I am a big fan of the Victorian-style single flower perfumes. I especially love L'Occitane's version of Magnolia because it's very fresh and modern without losing its history. It has an almost watery smell to it that just makes it perfect to mist on when it's a hot, dusty day in the city (which this city has definitely not been having on a regular basis this summer).

Fruits and Passion Lemon-Vanilla Eau de fruits
I am not normally a fan of fruity smelling perfumes. They bring me back to the days of junior high and satsuma bath gel and body oil (ah... satsuma. You have ruined so many scents for me). However, this one fades quite nicely to a sort of intriguing warm scent that is very sweet and tropical without being overpowering. It's a bit dishwashing liquid-y when you first put it on, but after five minutes it just becomes heavenly.

Patyka Hesperide
This is one of those scents that segues perfectly from summer into fall. In the summer, the lime notes really open up the fragrance and make it sparkle, in the fall the heavier base notes sort of take over. This scent reminds me of campfires on the beach and limeonade.

The Body Shop Pink Pepper Eau de Parfum
Once I graduated from high school I rarely if ever set foot into a Body Shop. I find that most of their scents have this weird waxy quality to them, where no matter what I put on, it always just smells like The Body Shop. However, a friend gave me a gift certificate there, and so I ended up going in and wandering around for awhile before finding the pink pepper. It's such a lovely, distinctive fragrance, and while it does have that weird Body Shop scent when you first put it on, it fades to a nice, bright sort of scent. It's very pretty and is oddly one of the few perfumes I wear that I constantly get complimented on.

Jo Malone Lime Basil and Mandarin
This is a beautiful scent, there's no other way to describe it. The description mentions Carribean beaches, and that's exactly what it reminds me of. I wore this on the first vacation I ever took with my boyfriend (we went to Cuba) and it makes me think of sitting in La Bodeguita del Medio with a copy of The Old Man and the Sea in my purse. While I'm sure that he probably smelled like leather and sweat, this is a scent that makes me think of Ernest Hemingway every time I spritz it on.

Fresh Violet Moss
I am a sucker for anything with violet in it. I think it's such a gorgeous, delicate fragrance, and it seems to be one that's really fallen out of favour with a lot of companies lately. Which is why I'm completely addicted to the version by Fresh. For one, violet isn't used as a top note and it's really given a place to shine. This is a fresh, crisp fragrance. It's like a yellow cotton sundress in a bottle.

Demeter Pick-Me-Up Spray in Pomegranate
Demeter fragrances are all summery in their own way. They're very young, and fresh, and very, very distinctive. I'm fond of the pomegranate scent, although Gin & Tonic is another favourite as well. Although I'm aware that pomegranates are more a winter sort of fruit, I've latley become accustomed to the pom-tinis a friend makes, and the scent has become one of my favourites of the summer.

Bvlgari Omnia
I'll admit, the only reason I first picked this up was because I liked the bottle. But I sprayed it on, wandered around the store for a few moments, and then went back immediately with some sort of paranoid notion that they would be sold out already. Because it was THAT good. I don't know if this really counts as a summer fragrance. I've been wearing it this summer, but it's been raining and miserable all summer, so more likely this is a fall-winter fragrance, but if you happen to live in a miserable schizophrenic climate like I do, you could do worse than spritzing this on and then surruptitiously smelling your wrist all day.

4711
The first cologne ever (and the origin of the word cologne) and the first cologne I ever bought in my post-Body Shop days. This fragrance is light and crisp with a sweet lingering scent of lemon drops and summer. This is probably one of the fragrances I wear the most, even though I have issues with fragrances I have to dab on rather than spray on. It's light, non-offensive, and when you're wearing it, you're wearing a piece of history. How many people can say that they wear the same cologne as Napoleon Bonaparte? People who wear 4711, that's who.

Hot Springs Heaven

2005-08-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

The problem with a blog is that it's far too easy to just say "eh... I'll write in it tomorrow." Especially since I've been having a severe drought of any real discoveries or obsessions lately. I've been working my ass of, both in literal work, and I've finally started going to the gym several times a week. So, yay!

Calgary has been absolutely miserable for the last few days. It's raining constantly, the heater was on when I woke up this morning, and it's been hovering over zero for the last few days. In August. This is unacceptable.

So I've been dreaming of hot springs. Growing up in the east, as I did, most of my encounters with western Canada came in the form of hot springs. Radium Hot Springs in Banff, Ainsworth Hot Springs, Nakusp Hot Springs, I have spent a lot of my childhood in hot springs. So I always assumed that hot springs were just a given in western Canada, possibly because of that Rudyard Kipling quote about Alberta having all hell for a basement (sadly, I was in university before I figured out that he meant oil and not hot springs). And since then, whenever I have been out west, I've made a point of hot springing it. Except now that I live here, it would be a little weird to live my life in a hot spring.

My point simply is that it's been completely miserable, and I want to go hot springing.

However, I have grown out of being content to swim around in a sterile, cement-bottomed pool. If I wanted that, I could go sit in the hot tub at the YMCA and watch small children throw inner tubes at each other. In the last 5 years of my life I've become obsessed with finding the perfect natural hot spring.

It started with Ainsworth Hot Springs. Admittedly, it's half sterile, soulless pool, but the cave makes it all worth it. It's like taking a steam bath in the Mezazoic period. This is the type of place I would recommend if you're a bit squeamish about camping and you don't care for bugs, or if you want to get a massage after the pool. This is a great romantic getaway sort of hot springs. It's got everything you could want, except a lack of other humans.

My current favourite is Hot Springs Cove. It's difficult to get to, and it's not exactly surrounded by 5 star hotels, but that's its charm. This is the type of place that, if you plan your arrival carefully, you can pretend that you're the only person on earth. In university, we used to have long drunken conversations about what we'd like to be doing when the world ended, and I'd still like to be floating in one of these pools, completely content in my choice of locale for the apocalypse. Yes, I'm weird. But it's a great hot spring.

While I'm still out on the west coast, I'll mention Hotsprings Island. I've only been here on a package tour, but it's become my new holy grail, the type of place where I just want to retreat to for a few weeks and just chill out. It seems like an excellent place to actually get in touch with your thoughts.

If you plan your trip just after the snow melts, or just before it falls, or you have a particularly good set of winter tires and a head full of batshirt craziness, you can try the Liard Hot Springs. I would recommend that you either bring a battery-operated boombox or a tamborine or something to make noise, since I've bene up that highway a few times, and it's not uncommon to see bears grazing at the side of the road (and even less uncommon to see stupid, stupid people getting out of their cars to take photographs of them). This place is amazing, though. If, for some reason, you are driving to Alaska, you have to stop and see it. In October, it is truly a wonder of the world.

I've also found this list which has a fairly in depth list of hot springs in the Kootenays. Other than St. Leon, I've never been to any of them, but I guess that's given me an idea for a road trip this year. Awesome.

Trying to cover of the smell of death

2005-08-10T11:44:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend came home yesterday with a box of Cuban cigars which he showed to me like he had dug up treasure. I was less than impressed.

"Those things smell like ass."

"But they're really, really good! Do you want one?"

"No."

"But they're good."

"You're smoking those on the balconey."

"But it's cold out!" For the record, it was like 25 degrees. It was just windy.

"You're smoking those on the balconey. And you'd better hope there's mouthwash in the bathroom, or else you're sleeping on the chesterfield."

He pouted, but eventually called one his friends who lives on the fifth floor and they sat out on the balconey with their horrible cigars and smoked them. "Kelly," he yelped, sticking his head into the door.

I was sitting on the chesterfield watching Canadian Idol (judge me if you must, but that show is awesome. Awesome to the point where I no longer want to stick Ben Mulroney's head in a blender) and I looked up at him, scowling as the smoke wafted into our apartment. "What?"

"Can you get us some scotch?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

So he then came into the apartment carrying the foul thing in his hand and proceeded to get the scotch and glasses. To his credit he wasn't smoking it, but he still carried it through the living room and kitchen. I didn't say anything, because I knew he wasn't trying to be cruel or get his vengeance on me, he's just a little dim sometimes. I opened all the windows, but the scent was still lingering when I went to bed. I misted the entire apartment with L'Occitane's Green Tea Eau de Bienvenue (Green Tea's Eau de Welcome, by the way, is a stupid name). I could still smell it this morning so when I went for a walk to get a cappucino, I decided to go to the Starbucks in Bankers Hall so I could make a stop in at Crabtree and Evelyn. My taste for Crabtree and Evelyn has waned lately, but they'd had some interesting new home fragrance products last time I was in. Naturally, those fragrances were limited edition, but I did pick up Evelyn Rose room spray. It's really lovely. I am a big fan of roses, but not so much a fan of rose perfumes, since they tend to smell stodgy. This one is really beautiful, though. It's light, and airy, and adds a feminine touch to the room.

I misted it around, and am currently enjoying the scent of an apartment that doesn't smell like a burning diaper. In fact, I'm liking this stuff so much that it might replace L'Occitane as my room spray of choice.

As I was misting it, though, I wondered if by trying to eliminate the lingering scent of cigar, I was just trading one cancer for another.

I hate Kitson

2005-08-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

I don't get Kitson. Everyone I know who goes to LA comes back gushing that I have to go to Kitson because I will love it and I will come back with half the store. Every time I think that Kitson has undergone some sort of stylistic revolution in the last few months, and then I log onto the website and wonder if my friends think I've had massive head trauma or something. I've never seen a store so expensive where everything looks so cheap. Browsing through this site feels like wandering through Claire's or Ardenes, or some other store aimed exclusively at 12-year-olds. Maybe I'm just getting old.

I ended up at the Kitson website again today. Other than the skincare, I has a really hard time finding things that I liked. Most of the time I was just recoiling from the screen, making a face that I would have been ashamed of had anyone been there to see it.

Okay, there were a few things that I sort of liked, this Curious George sweater, for example. But $325 USD is far too much to pay for something with Curious George on it, and would it have killed the model to put on a bra? I find the presentation is a big reason of why I can't stand Kitson. I don't want to see dry, ashy hands or nipple-itis while I'm shopping. It doesn't take a genius to realize that building a brand depends a lot on selling an image and a fantasy, and very few people aspire to dishpan hands and ogling from men in manpris.

Otherwise, I just found most of the site about as repulsive as its layout. These Chick by Nicky Hilton sweatpants, for instance. Sweatpants? They are not couture, bitches. They are not fashion. They are for wearing at the gym and sleeping in, although I even find sleeping in sweatpants depressing (sweatpants are a depressing thing for me, I don't know why). Also, they make the model look like a wide load. I don't want to know what they'd look like on a regular human being.

I hate these roadkill shoes and I'll hate them even more when I start seeing Eva Longoria wearing them everywhere. They look like the Deliverance equivalent of Uggs, like they were constructed out of squirrels and opossums scraped off an Appalachian rural route. I can't imagine the logic behind the group of marketers who allowed those to see the light of day.

I am normally a fan of statement-making jewelry, but even I can't get behind this necklace. It appears to be so heavy that it's making the model's chest sag (okay, so, really it's not. Buy a bra, Kitson people!). I keep expecting it to just keep growing and growing until the model is tangled up inside it like vines in the rainforest.

The more I look, the worse it gets. Like these mink sleep masks. I'm not a fan of using the skins of animals that aren't common food animals. Anyone stupid enough to spend $195 to put mink on their face (as an aside: WHY? I have creams on when I go to sleep. The last thing I need is my sleep mask shedding onto my cheeks so that I wake up covered in fuzz, or picking fur out of my contacts all day) should have to eat mink stew for the next three weeks. It's the circle of life.

Having seen this store, I completely understand how Hollywood manages to provide Go Fug Yourself with such ample ammunition.

...yes, appearances ARE everything

2005-08-04T21:05:00.000-07:00

I have been having a lousy day where little things that could go wrong, did. I got stuck in traffic because a U-Haul broke down, I got lost trying to find my new dermatologist, I had to wait for an hour and a half for my appointment anyway, I appear to have lost one of my brand new bras, I dropped a pile of paper and now all my work is completely out of order, and my boyfriend is out of town so I'll have to dig through my closet for my plush pug, Herman, to cuddle away my woes. Ah, August. Why do you torment us so? We should be all lying on the beach, sipping fruity-rummy beverages with umbrellas, and letting the world move by. Maybe Green Day wants to sleep through September, but August is and always will be the cruellest, most stagnant month. A month that is too hot to shop for fall clothes, but too late to care about summer ones. Damn you, Auguest.

Originally I thought that I could cure my woes by admiring the simplicity and sauciness of this skirt, but then I realized that I've been spending more time with my beer than I have been with my treadmill. It's making the size 0 model look like she has a gut. It would make me look like Homer Simpson.

I then read this Daniel Akst article that I found via Jack and Hill and it depressed me more. I think I agree with it, but I'm not sure. Mostly because I think that most attractiveness is in the attitude of a person, and quite frankly, I don't think I've ever met a person who's primary attire is sweatpants and who hasn't repulsed me. It's not so much the idea that a person has to aspire to some twiggy or pre-set standard of beauty, nor do they have to spend thousands of dollars. Putting the effort into your appearance just gives you that extra oomph that you need. Taking care of yourself equals taking pride in yourself, and that itself is what projects that attractiveness.

I'm not arguing that looks are completely unimportant, because superficially they are the first thing that draws a person to us. In a photograph, that might be the only indicator of attractiveness, but there are still things like eye contact, posture, and facial expression to consider. A scowling beauty might not photograph as nicely as a smiling average woman.

I just think there are too many variables to empirically measure attractiveness. And attractive is such an arbitrary word. I don't find men that I'm "supposed" to find attractive actually attractive. I think Paul Walker is duller than an interview with Nicole Richie, but I'm intrigued by the caginess of Paulo Costanzo's features. If that makes sense.

Okay, I just sort of launched myself into this argument without thinking it through first, and what I'm trying to say is that appearances matter, but your attitude shines through in your appearance. If you take the time to put on mascara, and put on a nice outfit, the time to accessorize, and maybe spritz on a little cologne, you're just going to feel better about yourself, and that is going to show. If you roll out of bed and throw a hoodie over top of your pajamas (yeah, what's up with that? I see high school girls doing that all the time and it weirds me out. When I was in high school, even on days when I had five minutes to catch the bus I still managed to put on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Hoodies are the enemy, girls. They swallow your torso and make you into a big, amorphous blob. Just say no) not only do you look like you have poor hygene practises, you're going to go through the day reflecting to people the fact that you just don't care about your appearance. And that in turn lowers your attractiveness.

I'm not suggesting that we have to go back to top hats and stockings and garters. All I'm suggesting is that maybe we all take the time to look like we give a damn about ourselves. Say what you want about not conforming to society's standards, taking the time to look good shows that you also take the time to feel good.

Yes. I'm done with this lameass rant. I'm going to go find Herman, now.

Wedding bells

2005-08-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend at my boyfriend's cousin's wedding. I've come to the conclusion that if the time comes, I can easily marry into this family. We arrived at 11:00 in the morning on Saturday and went to the pre-wedding reception at the groom's parents' house and the first thing people did was put a beer in my hand and then kiss me hello.

It's kind of funny, I was wearing a knee-length seersucker skirt, a red tank, red pumps, and a white cropped blazer (waist-length cropped, not, like, degenerate cropped), and I was really worried about the kosher-ness of wearing white to a wedding, even if it was in the afternoon. I was futzing with it in the hotel room before we got to the pre-reception and my boyfriend just rolled his eyes and put on his own blazer before mumbling about the heat and asking if it would be okay if he just wore his tie with a short-sleeved button up shirt.

"Sure," I said. "Why don't I get you some horn-rimmed glasses and a pocket protector?"

He stared at my for several seconds. "Uh... why?"

"Because you'll look like you work for NASA."

He laughed in that way where I know he wants me to think that he thinks I'm clever, but really he doesn't. He wore the blazer, though.

I don't know why I worried, though. I have an upbringing of attending Easter and Christmas services at the United Church, this was the first Catholic ceremony I have ever attended and I was incredibly nervous about what I was wearing. Turns out I shouldn't have worried. There were flip flops paired with ridiculous boho skirts (seriously, the madness needs to stop), polo shirts, I think I saw denim. It was very surreal standing outside after the church and seeing the bride in a little sea of white tulle and sequins and the groom in his tuxedo, and their parents all very formally dressed standing with a bunch of people who kind of looked like they were going to a picnic.

That said, even though I was being internally snarky at the beginning of the night, I eventually met most of the people in the clothing I disliked, and 95% of them were awesome. Between this blog and the fact that my closest friend in Calgary is a fashion buyer, I sometimes forget that clothes don't necessarily make the person. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop making fun of tragic ensembles, however. Or that I won't sometimes want to be friends with people who put their clothing together beautifully. I don't know what I'm saying, because as I mentioned earlier, my boyfriend's family drinks a lot. Right now I'm just thinking about putting on a hydrating mask (yay! Dry, disgusting, flakey hangover skin! Awesome.) and then napping on the couch while watching The Newsroom on DVD.

Also, I don't know what the DJ was smoking, but at one point, he put The Pussycat Dolls 'Don't Cha' (or however it's spelled. I have very little patience for people who purposely mangle the English language) and all the adults exchanged startled glances and reached for their drinks. There are certain songs that just seem wedding-inappropriate and 'Don't Cha' is one of them (Leonard Cohen's 'Everybody Knows' seems like a good second choice. As does The Police's 'Every Breath You Take' even though I know two misguided people who chose that as their wedding songs). I did get a laugh, however, when my boyfriend's 19-year-old brother said, "sure, if I wanted crabs." Which, again, a lot of drinking. Not as funny to you guys.

What do you consider proper wedding attire?

More of a flip flop saga

2005-07-28T22:33:00.000-07:00

I'm not proud of it, but I've taken to watching Popcultured lately because I have a thing for Levi MacDougall (however, this show seems to suck the life out of everything it touches. I've seen this guy live and been laughing so hard I thought I'd die and it would have been worth it. But on this show? Eh. Not so much). Sadly he wasn't on tonight. However, some girl who was elimnated from Canadian Idol last night was on as the guest (I know, this show... it's so... highbrow). I wasn't that intrigued because I don't watch Canadian Idol, and her name was Ashley and due to junior high I have a distrust of people named Ashley, and watching the clip of her being eliminated kind of made me laugh. Awful person, I know.

Anyway. They show a close up of her when she's first on the show and I recoil slightly noticing that she's wearing a racerback tank top. I know that it's Popcultured, but it is a television show nonetheless. Chances are the only talk show this girl will ever be on. But I shrug it off and continue eating my microwavable Asian chicken rice bowl (I know, you hear about my jetsetting nonstop party lifestyle and you weep in jealousy). Then they cut to a wide angle shot of her and I actually yelp "oh no she didn't!" to no one in particular. She was wearing flip flops and a denim skirt. On a talk show. Or a comedy show. Whatever you want to call it. Point being, I know it's a crappy show on the Comedy Network that doesn't even have a website. I know it has that annoying kid from The X on it. But it's not Laguna Beach. A line has to be drawn, a gauntlet thrown. Stringing a strand of beads around your neck does not an outfit make.

Especially considering that this is some high end karaoke singer we're talking about. Coming in ninth on Canadian Idol isn't exactly something you should be bragging about, and I can't imagine the quality of guests they were considering if this was the best they could do. I know, it's mean and cliche to trash Canadian Idol (and Canadian television in general) but... come on. A person shows up to their interview in flip flops, you get a new guest. Drag someone in off the street. Chances are they have the approximate same level of fame as this Canadian Idol girl.

Television interviews need to be treated like job interviews. If a person shows up to a job interview in flip flops and denim, chances are they won't get the job. Talk shows need to start having dress codes. I know it's kind of fascist (you know, in the same way that Monica Lewinsky describes things as 'D-Day'), but it's the only way. Stop the slop, people. Stop the slop.

Even the name is undesirable

2005-07-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

I am not a fan of flip flops. I find them hard to walk in, and they hurt my toes to keep them on my feet. I use them when I'm on vacation in a beachy area. I'll wear them if I get a pedicure. But I can't stand the feel or sound of them, so I wear them as little as humanly possible.

I also hate wedge heels. I'm really not big on the whole wedge/espadrille trend this year. Maybe it's just because I have big feet, so you slap a wedge heel onto a size ten, and it just makes it look like a big clunky mess. So you can imagine my horror when I found an unholy union of two highly undesirable styles. How would one even walk in those things? I'm imagining my foot sliding down the shoe and the skin between my big toe and second toe becoming a mess of blood and chafing. I can't understand how no one in the comments looked at this shoe and assumed that they could somehow trump the laws of physics and keep the damn thing on their foot without severe pain and/or laughter from bystanders who aren't fucking insane. There are so many things wrong with this shoe that I can't even begin to tell you. But I sum it up in two words: wedge thongs. Two words that do not belong together. Ever. The thong is not an inherantly dressy version of footwear. The idea of a formal thong has to be stopped. Thongs are for the beach and for pedicures. And wedges are just a bad idea in general. Unless you're into having triangular elephant feet. I'm sure there's a niche market for that (okay, I can understand wedge heels of under one and a half inches. It's just the wedges that inch up into the 2-4 (or god forbid, platform) range that really get to me. Wedge heels are much like thongs. Something to be enjoyed in moderation, not in a destestable orgy of clunky-shod tackiness).

All things considered, I'm not surprised that it's baby phat brand. That she-beast Simmons will not stop until she has fugged the world.

A fit of crazy

2005-07-25T20:53:00.000-07:00

I went out yesterday evening and bought a case of beer and then went back to the apartment to sweep and clean and do all those things that are so much more fun with a few Sleemans in you. Then my boyfriend got back from a meeting at about nine o'clock with another case of beer. And we laughed. And then we drank more beer, and we watched Entourage on DVD and I got the bright idea to paint my fingernails. While really, really drunk. Anyway, I was just putting on the base coat when I slopped far too much on my pinky finger, and it started dribbling down my actual skin, there was so much there.

So in a fit of crazy I licked it off.

At the time, I don't remember it being particularly awful, but today there is a patch on my tongue that feels like the taste buds have been burnt off. Because I'm an idiot. So, yes, nail polish and drunkeness don't mix. At least I had the sense to just do the base coat and not cover myself with anything else.

I feel like such an asshat. But it was also kindof funny in that "when I no longer feel injured I will laugh" sort of way.

Also: Entourage is an excellent show. I highly recommend it.

The intersections of politics and footwear

2005-07-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

Over at The Manolo they were talking about what shoes (namely, not flip flops) one would wear to meet the President. This intersection of politics and footwear made me think about my aesthetically favourite Member of Parliament, Belinda Stronach. I know that being the best looking and best dressed MP isn't really an accomplishment, but then I rustled up a few photo galleries. This CBC gallery has a vast collection of Belinda's sharp dressing (and a bizarre photo of Stephen Harper nearly ripping teensy little Tony Clement's arm out of its tiny little socket), and this Maclean's one has two close ups of some simply gorgeous shoes.

I don't really know what I think of Belinda as a person, but I sure do like looking at her.

Bras and Tea

2005-07-24T15:48:00.000-07:00

I was doing laundry yesterday morning when I realized how pathetic my underwear collection is lately. I'm not quite sure why I haven't noticed until now, since I've always been a bit of an underwear magpie, and there are few things that make me happier than the knowledge that I have pretty panties on. It just seems like the times when I'm most secure in the knowledge that there will be no one there to see my underwear are the times when my underwear is nicest. Or something like that. Point being, I had to go buy a few bras. I used to go to The Bra Bar (they don't have a website because they are luddites) in Yorkville where the lingerie was excellent, but I hated the sales staff. They were the cruellest, snobbiest, bitchiest women ever, but I kept going there because I'll... put up with a lot of a abuse if there is lingerie involved. I highly recommend The Bra Bar simply for its selection, but the salespeople are evil.

Anyway, so yesterday I ended up at Intimately Yours (why does it seem like all lingerie boutiques are run by luddites? Seriously. It's not difficult to make a website) in Bankers Hall today. It's not quite The Bra Bar, but it's got a decent high-end selection, and the salespeople? My god, I'd forgotten that buying bras shouldn't be a painful and humiliating experience. The woman was completely sweet and lovely, professional without being stuffy. I walked away with four bras, and I was just completely wowed by the whole experience. I know it's a lame thing to get excited about, but for the longest time lingerie shopping was really kind of painful. Either I had to go to The Bra Bar and face the salespeople to get well made underwear, or I had to go to La Senza which I just find to be a really depressing experience. So, yes, if you are in the Calgary area, go to Intimately Yours. It will make you feel so good.

I also found Totalitea, which I'm in love with now. I usually order my tea from Silk Road, but there's something very soothing about going into the shop and browsing through the little sniffing jars, and finding something that works for you. I know, I'm so twee, but I'm making sun tea with the Sunny Island right now, and it'll be so very, very good.

Pants that fit

2005-07-22T10:42:00.000-07:00

Okay. So. I know that they would eventually put me into a foul mood because everyone would assume that I'm a big Gwen Stefani fan, but I adore these trousers. I don't even wear trousers (which isn't supposed to sound suggestive, it's just that I am a skirt sort of girl) that often, and I'm coveting these like crazy. Maybe it's just that I never bought into the low-rise thing, simply because I have spent far too much time walking behind gaggles of teenage girls, all of whom are probably a size two, but still insist on squeezing their pert little bottoms into size zero, which creates a weird roll of back flab. I am anti-back flab, especially since it is so avoidable (namely: buy pants that fit).

Anyway.

I'm loving the cut of these pants. They're low-rise enough to not give that 1970s torso-gobbling feeling, but they also aren't the type of trousers that require pubic grooming or backless panties before venturing outside. They seem like they'd be hip-friendly. And I'm digging the nautical details. They're subtle enough that you could wear them to the office or dress them up with a cute top and heels and go out for a night on the town. And, considering the whole "it's superfreezing here!" aspect, these pants would look awesome with this navy blue trench coat I have that will serve me well come fall.

I'm just loving these pants guys. It feels a little weird.

I read, but I'm still shallow

2005-07-20T22:29:00.000-07:00

Book stores are my version of candy shops. I run in, and I can spend a few hours wandering around looking thoughtfully at dust jackets, picking books up because I like the cover, reading a few pages. I love it. I am a big time reader. While normal sales clerk intimidate me, I love the clerks at book shops, just because they all seem to love books, and not sales.

The best book shop of them all is Munro's in Victoria, but today I went to McNally Robinson and wandered around for a few hours before leaving with a bag full of books. The favourite of them is the new biography of Stephen Harper, Stephen Harper and the Future of Canada. I was kind of hoping that it would be a Kitty Kelly-style scandalicious tell all about Harper's sordid past, but firstly, Stephen Harper is the Al Gore of Canada. He's been intent on leading the country for years, and he's been thinking about his decorum since he was in junior high. Secondly, the guy who wrote it is clearly a hardcore conservative. This is the type of ass-kissing that normally I only see Ben Mulroney attempting on E-Talk Daily.

Rick Mercer has a funny review of it on his blog, and he mentioned one of my favourite things about political biographies: the photos. I read a lot of biographies, and I always love the photos in the centre. Retro hair, bad clothing, leg warmers. It warms the heart. I have a biography of Richard Nixon which shows that he was disturbingly hot as a young man, a couple of Jean Chretien biographies that show that most people are really attractive with the sheen of youth. But I guess that Stephen Harper's cold, dead eyes would always detract from whatever he might have looked like in 1978.

Yeah, I don't know why I've been so shallow lately, either.

Anyway, yes. Books. You should read them. Especially this one. Because it's like a soap opera contained in a first lady.

Non-sick crushes

2005-07-19T22:17:00.000-07:00

I think David Suzuki is really sexy. He was in a documentary on Hot Type's documentary week last year, and I was all "you're hot, Suzuki." (I know, I'm so eloquent. I'm like Rex Murphy). And my appreciation of David Suzuki can translate into a T-shirt. Which is a really awesome T-shirt. I also like the The Hour T-shirt. Mostly because I think George Strouboulopoulos is nice to look at (which he is. But he's also surprisingly smart. Which makes me feel bad for spending several years being sad that he wasn't Rick the Temp on MuchMusic. Also, while I'm being shallow and mentioning hot people on the CBC, Evan Solomon (host of Hot Type (coincidence? I think not)) is superhot).

To be fair to Canadian programming, I was also going to send you to a link of Corner Gas (which is on CTV) merchandise, but it's all "won't load!!!!!" for me, so there. Then I was going to see if there was any David Reale merchandise from Popcultured (that kid is, like, 19. He's adorable, but he makes me feel dirty. Which no comedian should. All comedians should be at least a year older than me. All comedians should remember Wham!.). But I couldn't find any. So now I'm going to wonder if my crush on David Suzuki, and my crush on David Reale balance out to not make me, like, you know, sick.

I just don't want to look like Legolas

2005-07-19T17:02:00.000-07:00

The boyfriend caught me looking at Anthropologie's fall line up and laughed at me.

"It's July."
"So the fall fashion season starts now."
"Does it?"
Brief pause.
"Yeah. It does." Another pause. "I need to start shopping now. All these designers live in tropical climates, and I have to find things that I can wear in the snow."
"Calgary is in the sub-desert. It doesn't snow that much here."
"Really?!!" (I can't convey the glee that was in my voice here)
"But it does get down to fifty below zero."

Then he laughed and walked away.

So I took the opportunity to look for a new pair of black boots. I have a pair of black boots, but they have an annoyingly high and clunky heel. The type of heel that isn't incredibly ostentatious on a boot, but is incredibly ugly on a shoe. But I'm looking for something a bit... flatter. And without the clunkiness. Because when I put those things on, I'm over six feet tall, and I have a tendency to fall over a lot (a treasured memory is from a few months before we moved when I was running down Trudelle St. after some friends and I slipped, hung in the air for a couple of seconds, and then landed spectacularly on my ass. I think that it's about time I retire these boots, eh?). So I searched Zappos for some alternatives. I rarely shop at Zappos, but I like using them as a scouting agent to see what brands are carrying what I'm looking for, so I can sort of zero in on what stores I should be going to. Because while I do love shopping, I dislike people, and saleclerks intimidate me. I don't understand, either.

Anyway. I found two pairs of boots that will hold up to ice, snow, and fifty below. This pair of Clarks is nice (are nice? But does "pair" indicate that is a pair of boots, singular? Shouldn't I already know this?). I know that Clarks aren't exactly exciting or anything, but I like the shape of these, and I think they would be cute with a knee length plaid skirt, textured red tights, and a black peacoat with a red scarf and a black beret (I am an accessories sort of gal). There's an appealing classic quality to them, and the soles look like they'd be capable of gripping onto an icy sidewalk.

I'm also fond of these Lauren by Ralph Laurens. However, there's something very... elfy about them. They make me think of Legolas. They're nice from the front and the back, but the sides? I have nothing against Legolas in particular, but other than his spectacular hair, I have no desire to emulate him.

I guess I'll make a stop in at Gravity Pope. A lot of their shoes are simply too over-the-top for me, but they carry a more than decent selection of flats, and the salespeople are always nice. And really, that's all that I ask.

Ma'am?

2005-07-18T20:02:00.000-07:00

I just got run over by a guy on a skateboard. I'm perfectly fine, probably a little bruised, but I'm like a peach, so that's to be expected. I'm just a little shaken.

Lately I've taken to taking walks around the neighbourhood to orient myself to the city, since I rarely drive, and I find it hard to learn a city when I'm in the passenger seat. So I've been going out each night and walking in one particular direction and seeing what I find. And I really like walking past The Millennium Skate Park. The kids are pretty talented, and it's an interesting way to spend a couple of minutes. Anyway.

So I was walking home past the skate park and there was a kid coming toward me on the sidewalk. I moved to my right and he moved to his left and we collided. He apologized profusely and helped me up right away and kept saying "oh my God, I'm so sorry!" After I was standing again, he grabbed my arm and very earnestly said, "are you all right, ma'am?" I felt a little winded at that. Ma'am? I'm twenty-four! I have a pimple on the side of my nose right now. MA'AM?????

To be fair, when I got home, I kind of could see why he called me ma'am. I have my reading glasses on, my hair is in a bun, and I'm wearing a dark green wrap-sweater, a black skirt that ends below my knees, and black Rocketdog flats I bought a few years ago. I'm dressed like a war widow. The only thing I'm missing is a veil and a handkerchief.

Still, though. Ma'am. I feel so matronly right now.

Shoes of Vengeance

2005-07-18T08:42:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday, guys.

I just got an email from a girl I went to high school with and who I completely hated. She wants to get together for coffee. I'm just like "remember that time you were all, 'I know you're dating him, but I'm going to do everything I can to get D.'? and I was so shocked I was just like, 'uh, good luck with that.' And then I walked away from you and you told my chemistry class I had crabs? Yeah. I know it's coming up on ten years later, but I can hold a grudge forever."

This has a point. I kind of do want to meet up with this woman, since beyond the whole boyfriend thing, she made life pretty hellish for me in high school. So naturally, I want to meet her for drinks at the Oak Room wearing a fabulous little dress, and these Zanotti shoes that are absolutely killer in their simplicity. I can't tell if I want random vengeance, or if I'm just using this email as an excuse to shoe shop.

Point being, we all had someone who made us feel inferior and awful in high school. What are your ideal Shoes of Vengeance all these years later?

Nice Colour, Eh?

2005-07-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

I'm up at the lake today and it's been pouring pretty continuously. So while I was earlier dreaming about lying out on the dock, slathering myself in sunscreen, and drinking excessively, I instead went into town and wandered through a couple stores, knowing that I was turning into a Saturday shopper (back when I worked in retail in high school we used to hate Saturday shoppers. They were slow, and irritating, and always asked if we could give them a discount on things, as if they were so incredibly special that we had a secret discount that only went out to people who we wanted to beat to death. I have a lot of residual retail-work anger. This is why I like shopping online so much. Anyway.). There was nothing really that struck my fancy, but I did buy two bottles of OPI's Canadian Collection nail polish (I like how they call it 'Nice Color, Eh?' instead of 'Nice Colour, Eh?' But that's just me being pedantic. And by pedantic I mean Saturday shopper). I got Canadian Maple Leaf and Polar Bare. I'm wearing Polar Bear right now and it's pretty decent. Nudes usually look kind of odd on me, because they clash with the pink tones in my skin, but this one is pretty nice. It's the sort of beigey-pink you see on cosmetics packaging from the late sixties and the early seventies. If that makes sense. It makes me think of the tins my grandmother used to keep in her drawers so she could sort out all of her sewing. An Almond Rocha Beige, I guess.

I haven't tried Canadian Maple Leaf, but that's because the rain has let up, and I might be able to at least sit out on a deck chair. I know. Life. It's exciting.

Chateau Country Lace

2005-07-15T07:59:00.001-07:00

I'm wearing a sundress and I am wearing pantyhose. I know. I should be hunted down and hog tied by the fashion police. But I'm going to a party-type-thing at the lake tonight and I know that there will be prolonged outdoor standing and I intend on wearing close-toed shoes, so I think pantyhose is a lesser evil than foot sweat. I don't even know why pantyhose is so maligned. Mine are also covering the rest of the bits of redness on my leg which I got from lolling around on the grass last week (they're not mosquito bites, and I don't think there are blackflies around here, so I think it might just be irritation from the grass itself. That said, for the first few days it looked like leprosy and I was slathering arnica cream on them like crazy. If anyone knows how to quickly get rid of hives (?) caused by grass, drop me a line). But pantyhose? It provides a valuable service. It just has a horrible name.

Anyway. Yeah. No one else seemed to understand why I was so adamant about my right to wear pantyhose for whatever reason I pleased, so I had to share it with you guys. But that's not the reason why I'm writing this article. I thought of another great Calgary shop.

A few weeks ago, some friends dragged us out to The Lazy Loaf and Kettle in Bowness for breakfast. And while that local specialty is also good, I was more taken by the shop across the street, Chateau Country Lace (beware, it's what Jack and Hill call a horribly user-unfriendly Flash site (I don't know why that phrase makes me laugh, but it's my new favourite thing to randomly say). The site doesn't do this store justice. This store is the type of thing that I dreamt about when I was little and I imagined living in a house with an attic. I figured that attics automatically came stuffed with retro treasures that I could plunder for my own fashion. I was a strange child.

Yes, it's a very, very twee shop, but Bowness seems to be a very, very twee place. I picked up some rose soap while I was in there, and a pair of glittery sandals that I just adore. I intend on going back soon, and stocking up a bit more. It's definitely the type of place where you can waste an afternoon just wandering around, poking into the corners, and looking for treasures. Even the most staid minimalist (read: the female half of the friends who came to breakfast with us. The woman thinks bamboo is too decorative) will be taken in. And now I'm dreaming of big floppy hats and jangly bracelets.

I'm not hating on Calgary

2005-07-14T11:36:00.000-07:00

I really like watching Corner Gas because as a recent transplant from Toronto, I really emphasize with Lacy. Okay, so, Calgary is no Dog River, Saskatchewan, but it's also no Toronto (alternately, Toronto is no Calgary, either. I'm not slagging Calgary, I'm just saying that it's different). And I think what I miss about Toronto is things like Peach Berserk. I love Peach Berserk. I used to just walk into the store and gape in wonder at the artistry inside. I love the idea of customizable clothing, and I own several pieces of Peach Berserk's handiwork (sadly, this includes the Toronto skyline skirt. I panicked before the move and tore through the city buying every piece of memorabilia I could find. This is less embarrassing than the fact that I actually own Alan Thicke's moving tribute to the Skydome). They're great skirts (I only own skirts. I'm actually not a person who wears pants on a regular basis. Other than jeans, I don't think I even own any pants), and I often get complimented on them (but considering that this is the denim on denim city, I'm not sure how to interpret that). Obviously, it's not a line that suits everyone, but if you have the personality to pull it off (I don't know if I have the personality, but I'm 5'10", so my height generally helps me in the fashion department), I highly recommend it. In the twenty-first century, there are few things more delightful than customizable fashion.

Just so that you don't think I'm hating on Calgary (why is this blog turning into the Calgary vs. Toronto blog? I like this city. I just keep noticing how it's very distinct), here are two things that I adore in Calgary: the selection on the website isn't the greatest, but Twigs has an excellent selection of handmade jewelry. Here's part of what I own (I... I really love the necklaces at Twigs. Which is odd because before that I owned maybe two or three necklaces, all of which were heirlooms).

Other than Twigs, there is also the supreme Gravity Pope. Which has an excellent selection of shoes, and a great private label brand.

Okay Calgary? I'm not hating on you.

Top Five

2005-07-14T10:36:00.000-07:00

One of the nicest things about working from home is that I can play whatever music I like at whatever volume I care to, and no one will say anything about it. And while I know it's not exactly fashion-y, maybe this can simply be a blog about consuming. Or something like that. Point being, I just felt like sharing my top five albums at press time:

5: Melodrama Joel Kroeker
This is such a good, relaxing album that I can't figure out for the life of me why they chose 'Goodbye Jane' which is seriously the weakest link as the lead single. Had they released 'Endings,' 'The Wind,' 'Song for a Person on a Bridge' or any other song, really, Joel would totally be a household name. Because it's an excellent, excellent album. I have his 'Naive Bohemian' album as well, and this one is definitely the stronger of the two.
4: Road James Keelaghan
I had never heard of this guy until a client gave me tickets to his show in June. As someone who loves mellow folk ballads, I snapped up almost all of his albums immediately. This is an excellent album, I'm just sad that they don't have a sample of 'Captain Torres' which is my favourite song from the album. It's sad, and spooky, and all around excellent, plus it has Cyrano's last letter to Roxanne, so it's also incredibly cool. Great album.
3: Twentieth Century Blues: The Songs of Noel Coward Various
The Divine Comedy song is addictive. I've been playing it on repeat for the last few days, and I'm not tiring of it any time soon. I'm usually leery of classic/jazzy songs being redone in a modern style, but this compilation is excellent. The only song that sucks is the Shola Ama song because I loathe those breathless, cutesy deliveries. 'There Are Bad Times Just Around the Corner' is perfect for eternal pessimists like moi.
2: The Vanity Project The Vanity Project
Yes, that is Stephen Paige from The Barenaked Ladies. And yes, it is a surpremely awesome album. It's got that trademark BNL upbeat sound mixed with a bit more experimentation, and a bit more... oomph. 'Wilted Rose' is a current favourite, though it's also fun to sing along with 'So. Cal.' in the car.
1: La De Da Joel Plaskett
I had the pleasure of seeing Joel Plaskett a couple of years ago when he was playing the Khyber in Halifax (and was still called The Joel Plaskett Emergency. Also, perhaps it wasn't the Khyber. Point being, it was somewhere in Halifax, and I might just be saying 'Khyber' because the was the title of one of his albums. And I like saying 'Khyber.' Khyber, khyber, khyber, khyber.). I remember being kind of unimpressed by his live show (which I had just randomly stumbled into, so I shouldn't complain) but then I got hooked on 'Maybe We Should Just Go Home' and 'True Patriot Love' when they were released as videos a little while later. Does this have to do with anything? No, not really. Just that I can't believe how much he's improved since that show. Maybe he's still a lousy live show, but this album is beyond excellent. I love it. Even the sullent girl at >Play was all "this is a GREAT album" when I bought it. And if it makes the sullen girl happy, it will make you happy, too.

Fashion Magazine

2005-07-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend comes home yesterday and hands a magazine called simply Fashion. "Thanks," I mumbled, looking forlornly at the photo of Eva Longoria on the cover.

"I know you like that girl, so I got that for you."
"I hate Eva Longoria."
"You do?"
"Yes."
"Isn't she one of the desperate housewives?"
"Yes."
"I thought you hated Terri Hatcher."
"I have hate to go around."
"Isn't there one of them you like?"
"Yeah. Felicity Huffman and Marcia Cross."
"The one from Melrose place?"
"Yeah."
"She's so... pointy."

So after that stupid exchange, I actually opened the magazine. I'm actually not much of a fashion magazine reader. I sort of flip through for anything to catch my interest, and then I'm usually done them within about half an hour. I like them for flights to Edmonton, which are mercifully short. Anyway. Fashion Magazine is Canadian. It's also a lameass magazine with no apparent cohesiveness (It's no Lou Lou wich is just a glorious shopping orgy, and which appears to have a bigger lust for Crabtree and Evelyn products than I do), but I do appreciate not having to convert the funds. That was nice, other than that, it was stupid. You know how in Lucky and Lou Lou they do comprehensive lists of where to shop in a particular city in the country? That would be nice. But instead Fashion had a lame report on the runways which sounded like it was plaigiarized from Vogue and some photos of clothing that did nothing to inspire me.

On the plus side, it also didn't have those weepy little "real life" stories that other magazines tend to have that totally interrupt my guilt free drooling over bejeweled tank tops and floaty circle skirts. So plus for them.

All in all, I doubt that I'll ever purposely buy a Fashion Magazine. The name bothers me (why such a definitive name for such a lousy product?) and it was nothing special. However, if (like me) you're bad at math and converting from American funds to Canadian, and you have nothing to do for a couple of minutes, you could do worse. It's less grating than The Western Standard.

Sunscreen and Cowboys

2005-07-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

I am a bad person for two reasons. One, I should be working right now, but instead I spent the morning thus far walking to get a smoothie and then coming back to the computer and surfing through the beauty sites. Why? Because of reason number two of why I am a bad person: I don't wear sunscreen. I should. I live in the sunshine capital of Canada, but I have difficulty finding a sunscreen that doesn't make me feel like a big, greasy, dumpy mess. Wearing sunscreen is for me the skincare equivalent of wearing sweatpants. No matter how awesome I may believe that I am, I find it very hard to find myself anything but boring and sloppy in sweatpants. The greasy... greasiness of sunscreen depresses me like few other things. I tried the Neutrogena UltraSheer Dry-Touch Sunblock but it was still greasy (I had to use blotting papers before I even attempting slapping on some concealer and mascara) and it broke me out. I tried it again, layering my Kiehl's Blue Herbal Moisterizer (which is, as Badger would say, my Holy Grail) underneath the Neutrogena, and it was a little better, but it was like upgrading from sweatpants to a broomstick skirt. So not that great.

In my search, I've come across one product that looks extremely promising, DDF Matte Finish Photo-Age Protection SPF 30. I'd actually like something in a higher SPF, seeing as how I am pale to the point of translucency, but I'll take what I can get. This stuff look promising. Sadly, I have moved from a city that has not one but two glorious Sephoras, to a city which has zero. I'll either order it over the internet and take my chances or stop in at Holts. They might not carry the line, but they usually know where to go to get the things I desire.

On the Holy Useless, Batman! front, there is the Shu Uemura UV Under Base SPF 8. I don't really use Shu Uemura products, I don't think I've ever bought any in my life, but I've gotten Shu Uemura (most notably that world famous eyelash curler which I first got when I was in my teens and it was a serious upgrade from my sparkly pink eyelash curler that matched my caboodles kit full of make up) as gifts, and it's always been amazing. I'd love to try the underbase, but SPF 8 sounds like what I'd need on a day when I'm scurrying from the car into the gym, not what I'd need if I so much as go for a walk. Heed my plea, Shu Uemura folks.

I also don't get Shiseido Sun Protection Liquid Foundation SPF 42 PA+++. Firstly, the letters at the end? Mean nothing to me. And also, I don't get why it's advertised as SPF 42, but each colour gradient appears to have a different SPF. And who was the rocket scientist who figured that the less melatonin a person naturally had in her skin, the less sun protection she needed? Because if this was the opposite, and they were offering SPF 70 for my paleness, I would be all over this like *insert Paris Hilton and/or Colin Farrell joke here* But otherwise... that makes no sense. Way to ruin my morning, Shiseido.

Speaking of mornings being ruined, this morning on my smoothie run, I ran into my first real Stampede breakfast in downtown Calgary. Working mainly from home, I don't really tend to be outside before noon, so it was a total surprise to me. I was just wondering why the music they were playing on Stephen Avenue (normally a delightful jazz, although a few weeks after moving here, I did hear 'The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald') was so godawful, and then before I scuttled into Bankers Hall I realized that there was a breakfast going on at ATB and they had a live band singing covers of contemporary country songs. I witnessed a whole lot of denim on denim, and no one seemed to realize why this was a mistake.

I don't get Calgary. I move here and everyone tries to assure me that it's a great, cosmopolitan city with a great arts scene and lovely restaurants and blah blah blah world class citycakes. Then four months later they're putting hay bales in their lawyers office, wearing cowboy hats and several pieces of denim AT THE SAME TIME, and randomly shouting 'yahoo!' like someone tasered them and they wonder why Torontonians make fun of them? I don't get it.

Cottage Fever

2005-07-11T14:12:00.000-07:00

It's only Monday but already I'm dreaming about weekends at the cottage (or the cabin as Albertans call it). The city is hot and sticky and swarming with tourists for the Stampede week. I've already got some Sleeman's Cream Ale on ice and I'm dreaming about lying on the dock in this dress.

4711

2005-07-11T12:33:00.000-07:00

While I'm getting apoplectic over fragrances, I'd like to share with you the first cologne I ever bought myself.

I've had the same bottle of Chanel no. 5 since I was 14. My great uncle bought it for me in Paris, and it just reeked of Old Lady to me. I think the last time I wore it was to my junior high school graduation (yes, junior high school graduation. I know). I wasn't fond of the Chanel scent, but it did pique my interest in perfumes and colognes in general.

To be fair, I'm talking about the first cologne I bought that has an actual mythology behind it. Because I totally did the fruit body sprays and all those other hideous things in junior high. But I'm not going to think of my first cologne being some sort of sickly sweet pear-scented body spray. That just depresses me. But in the summer between grade 9 and grade 10, I did my research and looked for a cologne that would live up to the mythology behind the House of Chanel but, you know, wouldn't smell like my grandmother.

And for the entirety of my grade ten year, I wore my new favourite fragrance 4711. 4711 is the model for all Eau de Colognes today. It's why we call it Eau de Cologne, it was developed in Cologne, Germany and it's the oldest commercial cologne still being manufactured today. That's initially why I chose it (actually, I was more intrigued by Hungary Water, but I think that Crabtree and Evelyn- the only company that I know of that ever manufactured a Hungary Water scent- had discontinued it by that time), but I stayed with it because it's such a lovely scent. It's a unisex scent, with a mainly citrus scent but with hints of sandalwood and rose. It has an almost candy-like quality to it, but it's not cloying. It's a perfect summer scent, since it smells like lemonade without smelling like you spilled your drink on yourself.

I dabbed some on myself this morning, and I still can't stop surreptitiously sniffing my wrist and reminiscing about high school.

Jo Malone, Love of my life

2005-07-11T10:40:00.000-07:00

I am a big ho for all things Jo Malone. Whenever I'm walking past Holt Renfrew, I found myself inexplicably drawn inside to poke and prod at their scents, to layer them on myself, and then to have a saleslady with stylish yet oddly matronly hair persuade me to buy another bottle of perfume or another tub of sinfully rich body cream. It's a sickness, I know.

Black Vetyver Cafe is my standby. It's a deep, rich, spicy scent that smells like warmth and sunshine during the winter months and smells crisp and fresh during the summer months. It's versatile and I love it. This is the scent I always wear on first dates, because it's so distinctive and so interesting.

While we're on the subject of Jo Malone, I'll also talk about Eucalyptus Oil Control Fluid. I was in Holts for a non-Jo Malone related reason (Kiehl's Blue Astringent Herbal Lotion, as used by Andy Warhol) and stopped by to spritz myself with Amber and Lavender and wonder why normal lavender scented products make me gag, but I love the Jo Malone when the saleslady noted my little bag of Kiehl's samples and asked what lines I used. I explained the intense oiliness brought on by the heat and humidity of the summer and the general grossness of living downtown. She clucked her tongue and gave me a lecture on the Eucalyptus Oil Control Fluid and so I bought it. Because I'm weak like that. I did, however, get a little cologne sampler, so that was nice.

Anyway, after that useless story, I just have to tell you: Oh my God. This stuff is beyond awesome. So awesome I needed bold. My skin is matte and clean and tingly and... sigh. If you're suffering from oily skin and Summer in the City Syndrome, I recommend it. It's like treating your face to a weekend at the cottage.

2005-07-07T21:24:00.000-07:00

I feel stupid using a fashion blog to express my condolences to London, but I just thought that I should.

Monk cobbled shoes

2005-07-03T20:50:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I like these Paloma Barcelo Mary Janes or not. They have a certain handmade flare to them, like you'd ask that intern with the multiple piercings and a shrunken head on her desk where she got them and she just shrug and say "a monk cobbled them for me when I was living in Bhutan." They have a certain je ne sais quois. But... I don't know. They're somewhere between incredibly appealing and incredibly revolting. Like a hairless cat.

Party skin

2005-07-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

I hope that everyone is recovering from Canada Day better than I am. Next time someone offers to split a bottle of wine at 2 in the morning? The proper response is "hell no!"

I was going to post an adorable HBC Signature bikini for everyone to covet over this holiday weekend, but it turns out that you can't shop online at The Bay. This is why they keep losing money, people. And then I was going to post Canadian and American flag bikinis. But I couldn't find any Canadian ones online, and the only American flag ones I could find were g-strings, and I'm pretty sure that Ben Franklin wouldn't approve of that. And then I drank wine. And then I spent Saturday lying on the couch moaning about my aching head while my beer-drinking boy was all "I told you so." And now I'm back. And I'm sure you're very interested in that.

However, what you will be interested in? Mario Badescu Special Mask for Oily Skin. It's perfect for those nights when you party a little too hard and stagger home and fall into bed without taking your make up off (which I don't recommend. But, you know, it happens). Next day, wash off what hasn't been ground into your pillows, and then slap this on. Normally, after a night in my make up, I would currently resemble a minefield. But it has been kind to my skin, and even kinder considering my stupidity (seriously kids, take off your make up). Best part is? Now you can order from the website, so if you are Canadian or Montanan or West Virginian, you no longer have to make pilgrimages.

Follow it up with Kiehl's Kiehl's Herbal Toner with Mixed Berries and Extracts. Because if you must abuse your skin every once in awhile, pamper it the rest of the time.

Yay for sales

2005-06-29T16:11:00.000-07:00

In case any of my Canadian cohorts are wondering, until July 10 Crabtree and Evelyn Canada is having a "buy a lotion or cream, get a bath gel free" promotion. Now is the time to stock up on your Evelyn Rose and Savannah Gardens and perhaps stock up on those emergency presents that you know you will need when that annoying woman who lives down the hall and always comes home really drunk and really loud on weeknights stops buy to wish you a happy birth of Jesus day by giving you chocolates. Keep a couple of the least offensive Crabtree scent (Swiss Skin Care or La Source, by my estimates) wrapped and stuffed in your closet, and you'll always be able to say "oh, right, I got you something, too!"

If you care, I inquired, and the clerk said that the US is currently having its 'buy 2 get third free' on a couple of the different lines. That's no buy one get one, but I find that hand therapy makes a better impromptu gift than anything else.

Good God

2005-06-27T12:56:00.000-07:00

Who was the sick person who was thinking, "loafers for elves! That's what the world needs!" I like pointy toes as much as the next person, but that's ridiculous.

I'll console myself by staring at these gorgeous Giuseppe Zanotti kitten heels. I don't even want to think about what $465 comes to in Canadian funds. But they're nice to look at. They calm the blood.

Blue Herbal Line

2005-06-23T10:37:00.000-07:00

I'd also like to be positive for a moment, and tell you about a product that I just love to death. I have very oily skin, and it's manageable in the winter, but in the summer it just goes haywire. And so I've discovered a love affair with Kiehl's Blue Herbal Moisterizer. It's in the same vein as that blue herbal lotion that I'm sure you all grew up with as well, except it doesn't melt your face off. It's excellent stuff. It controls oil/reduces blemishes while also leaving a nice matte surface for your make up. Sadly, it doesn't have an SPF (does anyone know of a matte finishing sunscreen that isn't the Neutrogena dry touch, which broke me out big time?), but it's great for someone like me who works indoors and really only ventures out into the sunshine on the weekends.

I have the whole product line here, and it really is one of my favourites from Kielh's. It's perfect for that cool, tingly refreshment you want in summer, and it keeps your skin in tip top shape. Highly, highly, HIGHLY recommended.

Natural Glow?

2005-06-23T10:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I guess I'll have to start somewhere.

After reading about it on Lipstick is My Crack I decided to try Jergens Natural Glow Lotion for fair skin. I should point out that I am pasty, Casper-white, redhead-skin, glow-in-the-dark white. I am the type of person who has heard passing people on the street comment on the whiteness of my legs. And I have had very bad experiences with self tanners in the past. So in a last ditch effort, I decided to try the Jergens.

I'd assume that if you have, well, any pigment at all in your skin, it would probably look better on you than it did on me. I used it for three days and already had that weird orange Lindsay Lohan thing going on, so I've stopped and have spent the last three days being exceptionally vigourous with the loofah in the shower. It's still staining a bit around my knees, but I think it should be gone by Friday.

I guess I'm just doomed to a life of pasty legs.

In fairness, though, I could see how this would be a nice lotion for people with fair skin that is fair concealer fair (I have to use an illuminator, the fair concealer is too dark for me). It worked quickly, the self-tanner scent wasn't that godawful, and on a normal person it would probably provide a bit more subtle hue. If you're a redhead, just join me here in the corner, because I need someone to slap some SPF 60 on my back. But if you're blonde or brunette with fair skin, I think that it would look nice on you. And then you won't die of skin cancer, like my Maclean's this week promised me I would.

I don't know

2005-05-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

I'm torn as to whether I care more about celebrities or about fashion. Because lord knows my life isn't interesting enough to have a blog about.