Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Even the name is undesirable

I am not a fan of flip flops. I find them hard to walk in, and they hurt my toes to keep them on my feet. I use them when I'm on vacation in a beachy area. I'll wear them if I get a pedicure. But I can't stand the feel or sound of them, so I wear them as little as humanly possible.

I also hate wedge heels. I'm really not big on the whole wedge/espadrille trend this year. Maybe it's just because I have big feet, so you slap a wedge heel onto a size ten, and it just makes it look like a big clunky mess. So you can imagine my horror when I found an unholy union of two highly undesirable styles. How would one even walk in those things? I'm imagining my foot sliding down the shoe and the skin between my big toe and second toe becoming a mess of blood and chafing. I can't understand how no one in the comments looked at this shoe and assumed that they could somehow trump the laws of physics and keep the damn thing on their foot without severe pain and/or laughter from bystanders who aren't fucking insane. There are so many things wrong with this shoe that I can't even begin to tell you. But I sum it up in two words: wedge thongs. Two words that do not belong together. Ever. The thong is not an inherantly dressy version of footwear. The idea of a formal thong has to be stopped. Thongs are for the beach and for pedicures. And wedges are just a bad idea in general. Unless you're into having triangular elephant feet. I'm sure there's a niche market for that (okay, I can understand wedge heels of under one and a half inches. It's just the wedges that inch up into the 2-4 (or god forbid, platform) range that really get to me. Wedge heels are much like thongs. Something to be enjoyed in moderation, not in a destestable orgy of clunky-shod tackiness).

All things considered, I'm not surprised that it's baby phat brand. That she-beast Simmons will not stop until she has fugged the world.

1 Comments:

Blogger Badger said...

You know, I have seen a bunch of wedge thongs lately and it hurts just to look at them. And I actually like both wedges and thongs. But as you say, when combined in one shoe they are about as appealing as peanut butter and sardines.

6:52 AM  

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